Life Coaching with Sonal

Empowering those who are asking for what they want, those who want to live their dreams, those who believe deep within that life is supposed to be good – and that is you.

Tag: pain

You always gain

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“That’s what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we’ve changed because of it and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning.”

– Richard Bach
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Even though pain may not feel good but it has value. When in a place of pain/negative emotion, you become more clear about what you “do not want” which further leads you to clarity about what you “do want”. For example, when you see poverty, you desire prosperity; when you see sickness, you desire health; when you meet a person who is rude to you, you desire to meet kind people. As you allow the desires which you have given birth to or amended because of the pain you felt, you reconnect to your power. Negative emotion may be painful but it has value as it is connected to your expanding and growing beyond what you had been before you felt that negative emotion.

As you practice allowing all the desires that life has helped in inspiring within you, you start to see the value of pain/negative emotion and even though you may still not like negative emotion, you don’t react to it with the same intensity as you may have done earlier. As you start to feel see the big picture and therefore, the value of negative emotion, you develop good shock absorbers in life. You start to feel ease with it all – positive and negative emotion or as some of us would call it, winning and losing. It’s all part of the dance, all part of the process of creation – creation of our lives.

As you feel ease, you further lessen the intensity of the negative emotions that you are feeling. As you do so more often, you increase moments in which you feel relief/ better and as you do that, you start to tilt the balance towards positive feeling emotions (either with regard to one or more than one topic in life or with regard to life in general). As you do so predominantly and consistently, you allow the law of attraction to match you up with more positive feeling experiences. The law of attraction states – “like attracts like”. When you are feeling positive emotions predominantly and consistently, you allow the law of attraction to match you up with experiences which make you feel the same (or in the vicinity of positive emotions) on a more predominant and consistent basis. You start “allowing” your desires to manifest in your physical reality.

Even though negative emotion has value, you may want to reduce it and increase the positive feeling moments in life as the latter is what you love – anything that you want in life (whether it is a more nurturing relationship, money, health, starting a new business, a promotion, a bigger car, a better house etc.) is because you believe that you will feel better in the having of it. It is that feeling that you are targeting. You love positive emotions because that is your essence. You are pure positive energy. As you show yourself your ability to feel good predominantly and consistently (even if what you want hasn’t yet manifested in your life in the way you want it to) through the power of your focus (your thoughts), you allow the law of attraction to match you up with all that you desire easily and in its full potential as you are a vibrational match to your desires in the feel-good moments. The negative feeling moments help in giving birth to new desires or amending the previous desires. The positive feeling moments help in allowing the desires to manifest in your life “easily” and “in their full glory”.

One of the best things about all this is that we have the freedom to choose how we look at any situation. As Abraham-Hicks say, “you are so free, you can choose bondage”. Yes, sometimes, the choice is deliberate/conscious and sometimes it is by default/unconscious but it is a choice nonetheless.

Connected to the above, I want to share another quote by Abraham-Hicks – “You can’t get it wrong and you will never get it done”. As you never get it done, you can’t get it wrong. It’s an eternal journey. We all have our own beautiful, unique, individual journeys and knowing this helps in further feeling ease whenever one feels ready to feel it regarding a topic/situation that one finds painful and this place of feeling ready would be different for each one of us as no two journeys are the same. Knowing this helps is treasuring one’s journey in all its entirety – positive feeling moments as well as the negative feeling moments.

This may not be the only way to live but it is easy and is effective. Being kind and gentle with ourselves by seeing the value in both – in positive emotion as well as in negative emotion makes the journey easy and that ease helps in reconnecting to the power within, in all its glory.

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Photo credit – pixabay.com via pexels.com

The desire to feel loved

self love - Tranmautritam - pexels

“I think the biggest disease the world suffers from in this day and age is the disease of people feeling unloved.”

– Diana, Princess of Wales

 

As I see it, feeling unloved also encompasses the feeling of not being understood, of not being acknowledged and appreciated, the feeling of not being cherished, the feeling of not being accepted for who one is…..There are many people in this world who are feeling unloved and want to feel acknowledged, loved, cherished and appreciated. This post is long as I feel that this topic is of value to so many of us who are asking for what we want and feel ready for what we have been asking for.

Even though it may seem as digressing from the above quote but here, it will be of value to take a moment to see at how Abraham-Hicks look at the word “disease” – a lack of ease. Looking at disease in this way (i.e. as lack of ease) can be soothing and provide clarity, thereby leading to a place where one is feeling hopeful and eventually, empowered. To take this a little further, now even science has proved the mind-body connection, something which healers across the centuries have known.

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Coming back to the above quote –

I believe that we are uplifters and it feel great to uplift others. When others express their love for us, it makes us feel that we have uplifted them with our presence, our being, with who we are. This feels good to us but if we are dependent on other people’s reaction in order to feel good, then when they do not love us (which can happen…even people who love us can’t feel love for us all the time and I understand and respect that….we are all human), we feel negative emotion as we desire their love (we like the feeling in us when they are uplifted because of us and express it with the appreciation and love they feel for us as they are uplifted) and we observe the absence of what we desire (i.e. the absence of their love for us in that moment). Even though negative emotion has value, it is painful.

Expecting love and appreciation from people who don’t love you is like asking for a loan from people who do not have any money. When they start loving themselves, when they are feeling good (even before they met you that day), when they are in a place of happiness and strength mostly, no matter what, they will find it easier to love you and others. You can see that in yourself too. When you are feeling good, you want to express love and appreciation, you want to smile, you want to compliment. When you are feeling negative emotion, expressing love and appreciation is not something which is the first thing on your mind or something that comes readily to you. It’s the same with most of the other people too.

Instead of looking at others to love you, if you could feel good about yourself where you are, if you could be easy with yourself, if you could be gentle with yourself, if you could take out time to nurture and support yourself, if you could focus on thoughts which make it easy for you to feel relief, if you could take out time to do what makes your heart sing, if you could like yourself, if you could love yourself – firstly, you will feel the love you want and secondly, you will allow the law of attraction to match you with more and more people who also love you, with more and more experiences which make it easy for you to see how loved you are. You will reconnect to your freedom….true freedom.

“Give yourself the love you seek and the universe will send people who match it.”

– Abraham-Hicks

When you start loving yourself, either the people in your life, who as of now do not love you the way you want them to will change to be a match to your new and improved vibrations. If they cannot change, (despite you practicing your new and improved vibrations every day throughout the day) which does happen in many cases as some people are too far away from feeling alignment within themselves as of now (and it is okay…we all have our own beautiful, individual journeys and we get to choose, either consciously or unconsciously the pace and the details of our journey), they will leave your experience and others will take their place who are a match to your new and improved vibrations. If they cannot leave and do not change, they will only meet you on days and in moments that they are a match to your vibrations (and there will be such moments however few). Even if you stay in the same house, you will zig-zag out of each others experience and rendezvous only when you are a match (provided you have been practicing your new and improved vibrations and are “stable” there, predominantly and consistently). If you want to have more people in your life who love you, you may like to consider loving yourself first, nurturing yourself, being kind to yourself.

Louise Hay spoke about loving ourselves in a beautiful way. She said that loving ourselves is not vanity or arrogance. That is always fear.  Loving ourselves is really respecting and appreciating this incredible magnificent being that we are.

Some questions can arise here – how does loving ourselves play out, what does it look like, how can we go about it? The suggestion would be that firstly, start with appreciating, predominantly and consistently, the topics which are easy for you to appreciate. Also, distract yourself from topics which make it easy for you to feel negative emotions by focusing on something which is easy for you to feel good about. Distraction has huge power. It may be an effort initially but it does get easier as you go along practicing your good feeling thoughts. It’s like learning a new skill or a new computer program. Initially, it can be an effort but as one goes along, it gets easier. The easier it gets, the easier it gets.

As you do so throughout the day, every day, chances are high that you will reach a place where you are feeling better and stronger, predominantly and consistently and therefore, can with relative ease turn your loving gaze toward yourself and find things easily to love and appreciate within you. You may like to introduce changes in you and your life but changes introduced from a place of love are more easy, effective and powerful than from a place of criticism. The time taken to reach this place of love and strength will differ from person to person (which is absolutely okay…I understand and respect that) as we all have our own unique, individual, beautiful journeys. I would also suggest to be kind and gentle with yourself while on this journey – if ever you find yourself wallowing in negative emotion (you may be right in feeling the negative emotion but you are not happy and happy is what you want to be), that is okay. You are human. As you become aware that you have been thinking negative emotion and want to change those negative feeling thoughts to positive feeling thoughts, you can distract yourself to any topic which is easy for you to feel relief about whenever you feel ready to do so.

Though at this place of love and strength, chances are high that you may feel ready to love yourself but if you still do not feel ready, that is okay. As I wrote earlier, everyone has their own beautiful, unique journey. You can continue feeling good by focusing on topics and in ways which are easy for you to feel good about and whenever you want to and feel ready, you can look at yourself and feel love and appreciation for the divine creation of life that you are.

Why would you want to feel positive emotion whether it be with regard to yourself or with regard to any other topic? You would because that is who you are – you are pure positive energy and even though at times, you may choose to focus in a way which makes you feel negative emotion, you will always feel the call of who you are. When you feel that call and you do not go toward that positive feeling vibrational place, i.e. you do not focus in a way which makes you feel better, you feel negative emotion. Negative emotion is the indicator that you are not aligned with who you truly are. You love feeling love, you love feeling joy, you love feeling empowered, you love feeling free, you love it when you are appreciating. Anything that you want in your life – more money, a more nurturing relationship, better health, a bigger car, a better house, a great career, starting a new venture etc is because you believe that you will feel better in the having of it. It is that feeling that you are targeting because that is who you are – joy, love, appreciation, worthy, free and empowered.

A question can arise here – why do we disconnect to this love for ourselves? Have you seen babies? They love themselves just the way they are. I remember seeing a video of Louise Hay in which she spoke about how babies never criticize their body.  She asks, “have you ever seen a baby say “my hips are too big”? 🙂 ….She further goes on to say – “babies are just thrilled and delighted that they have a body. They rejoice in it. They love themselves. They love their toes. They love everything about themselves.”

As we are growing up, we experience being judged which for the first few times, feels shocking. Have you ever seen children express their disapproval when being criticized? They know in their core (to which they are still connected) that they are pure positive energy and when someone is telling them something else apart from this, they know it just does not feel good. It takes a lot of convincing to separate most of us, as are growing up, from that “knowing”. Some of us manage to hold on to that “knowing” and most of those who hold on to this knowing are called as stubborn by others 🙂 . Who others? Others who are not feeling good mostly because if they were, they would find it easier to love and appreciate. This is not to blame the others around us as we were growing up. They were doing the best they could from their knowledge and understanding. It’s important to understand where they were in order to soothe ourselves if we are ready to be soothed. Understanding them is not to justify what they said and/or did but it helps in soothing ourselves. Soothing yourself is part of loving yourself.

The good news is that now as adults we can feel what we want to feel (even when we are not where we want to be…i.e. there is a gap between our desire and where we are currently). We can feel positive emotion, no matter what. We can do so by the power of our focus. We have much more ability to feel good than what we at times give ourselves credit for. Yes, it does take practice. Baby steps every day throughout the day is all it takes. Feeling good is not like a college degree that once we have it, it’s ours forever. It is a moment to moment choice through the day, every day. Even for people who feel ecstasy on a regular basis, there is more.

When we show ourselves that we can feel what we want to feel (even though we do not yet have what we want….whether it be the feeling love for ourselves or a physical manifestation), we reconnect to our freedom. True Freedom is freedom from negative thoughts. When we reconnect to our freedom and practice our connection/alignment to who we truly are every day throughout the day, firstly, we feel good more often and secondly, we also allow the law of attraction to match us up with all that we want “easily” and “in its full potential.” You start living as the creator you intended to be – creator of the kind of life experiences that you want, predominantly and consistently.

Even if you can feel better (from wherever you are) 55% of the time, you would have managed to allow a substantial change to your vibrations and hence of what comes to you in your life. It could be that from where you are, feeling enthusiasm (on a particular topic or many topics which are important to you) may be too much of an expectation as you may not feel ready for it and that is okay. You are human. Instead of trying to jump so far, you could take baby steps to a little more relief every day and as you do that, you get ready to be ready to be ready for what you want to easily manifest in all it’s glory in your physical reality. As you continue to feel a little more relief every day (in a way in which it is easy for you to feel relief), you start walking toward feeling more and more positive emotions – from relief to more relief to even more relief to ease to hope to optimism to positive expectation to happiness and further on to passion, joy, feeling free, empowered and worthy, predominantly and consistently. This is an awesome place to be living life from.

Feeling good is worth a shot 🙂

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Photo credit – Tranmautritam via Pexels.com

 

The birthing of something new

 

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“Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”

– Eckhart Tolle

 

 

Reconnecting to the strength within

 

woman arms raised looking at the sun - Catherine McMahon

“In other words, nothing is more annoying than to see someone happy when you’re not. Nothing is more annoying than to see someone living the life you want to live when you are not living it, and , even worse, crowing about it: “Oh, let me tell you how good my life.” “Let’s not go there”, you say.

We don’t want you to compare yourself with anybody else. We just want you to have a comparative awareness of whether this thought that you’re thinking right now is upstream or downstream. And do you know why? Because this thought that you are thinking right now is your point of attraction. This is the thought that you are thinking right now that your life is becoming an indicator of.”

– Abraham
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Sometimes there is a phase or a series of phases in our lives (not in everyone’s as a rule but in many people’s lives) when things are not going the way we want them to, when we are feeling low and when our reality is far from what we want.

At that time, when we look around and find friends/colleagues/family members/ strangers etc happy with their lives, we are angry. This is not because we don’t want good for them but because we are not feeling good and we suddenly become aware that there are others who are enjoying what we so much want for ourselves i.e. to be happy and the awareness of the absence of what we want can make us unhappy.

At that point, if some well meaning friend or some Abraham inspired life coach or a positive person comes along and says “all is well”, all we want to say is “yes, sure, come and see my life and you will know that all is NOT well”. Then he/she says “you need to feel happy in order to get things which make you more happy” and you are like “who is telling you all this nonsense?” Then she/he says “Life is good” and you find yourself rolling your eyes saying “which world do you live in?”…and so on…you get the point I am trying to make?

When you are feeling low, what you want to so desperately want is to feel good but often it’s too much of a stretch considering where you are (and how long you have been in that low feeling state). This is not the time for you to jump into a state of bliss (even if that is what you want). Instead what you could do is try and feel a “little bit” better. That’s all. Trying to go from a feeling of anger to a feeling of optimism is a slow process. After all you did not go from feeling good to feeling anger in one day so coming back to feeling good usually will also take time. It’s an incremental process.

In times like this, distraction helps a lot. Distraction has power and the suggestion is to distract yourself in the few moments during the day when you are feeling a little relief from your pain (emotional or physical or both). So for example, if you have a painful illness or that you are experiencing the pain of being betrayed by your life partner or that you finances are not what you would want them to be or your career is not going the way you want – it could be any of these or something else wherein you are feeling pain. You need to be aware of the moments as the day goes wherein the pain lessens a little bit and you need to catch those moments and distract yourself to something which is easy to appreciate for you (it could be a beautiful holiday you took with your parents in your childhood or that recognition you got in your office or your child’s smile, petting your pet etc). The need is to stretch that moment of relief to as much as you can. As you consistently and consciously do this on an everyday basis, you will find yourself experiencing more of what you want to feel. At a stage wherein you are feeling stronger, then you can come back to the topic/subject of pain for you and find something to appreciate in that also.

The question can arise as to why do you need to find something to appreciate in what has given you pain?

Well, you can continue to feel low, be sarcastic, be defensive, be cynical, harbor hatred, be envious etc but till the time you make peace with the subject that you feel so much pain in, you will find a pattern occurring in your life. The people could be different, the situations could be different, the experiences could be different but the pain would be same. You can continue to feel low/angry/envy/sarcasm etc but the law of attraction will bring you experiences which match your feelings and therefore, you will continue to feel the same. The law of attraction states “like attracts like”. What one is feeling attracts more to feel the same. i.e. if one is feeling good, more experiences manifest which make the person feel even more good and if one is feeling negative, more experiences manifest which make the person feel even more negative.

What you want to feel is not negative emotion but it is joy, freedom, empowerment, love, appreciation, optimism and in order for you to feel what you want, you will have to change your feelings before the experiences can change in your life. Once you make peace with that particular topic (it could be freedom, money, abundance, relationships, marriage, children, parents, death etc), you change your feelings about that topic and then the universe gives you more experiences which match your new vibration.

You make peace with that topic which caused you pain by deliberately finding things to appreciate in and around it. It does look like an effort initially but since you have taken out the time and made the effort of distracting yourself consistently, chances are high that you will be strong enough to find something to appreciate in that specific topic which you found painful. Incase you still feel that you are not strong enough to appreciate the painful topic, you may like to give yourself more time and continue distracting yourself and creating better feeling moments. You may consider anger release and forgiveness exercises which resonate with you.

Once you are feeling strong, you can make “lists of appreciation” around that particular topic which caused you pain. You can focus on what came out of that pain and the lessons you learn’t because of it. You will be writing a new story of that pain. The lists can also be full of appreciation for other things in your life which are going the way you want them to go. If you can appreciate many times during a day, you will create “pockets of appreciation” throughout the day for yourself. When you will be in these pockets of appreciation, you will feel relief from the pain, feel better and most important you would have changed your vibration around that topic. The next time you focus on that topic, you will feel a much more positive vibration.

As you deliberately start creating moments in which you feel better on an everyday basis, you will soon find the experiences in your life changing to match upto your new feelings. Initially, you may find small things working out for you like three green traffic lights in a row or meeting a friend you like and had been thinking about for sometime. We call these coincidences but there is nothing like co-incidence. We “co”-create what we then call “co”-incidences. A lot of times, we co create unconsciously i.e. by default. The process described above will help in co creating consciously and when you know “how to” create the experiences you want, you can always replicate the process for anything that you want.

As you notice these wonderful experiences happening in your life and are able to correlate them to what you are doing consciously and deliberately on a daily basis, you will feel motivated to carry on this path and then you will slowly realise the powerful creator that you are. From this place of strength, it will be easier for your desires to manifest in your reality. You will then stop living life reactively and start living it proactively and people around you who are looking at your life will call you “lucky”, little knowing that now you are the “deliberate creator” you always intended to be.

It’s crucial to change what we are offering vibrationally to the universe in order to change the manifestations (or reality) in our lives and the best thing is that “we can” change our vibrations, if we want to. To quote Abraham again –

“And here’s the most important thing that we want you to hear about that: Because you moved to a different vibrational vantage point, the manifestational evidence has to shift, too. So, in the moment that you make the effort to do that, all things in the universe regarding that subject respond to the new vibration that you’re offering.

So, that’s the day you get an idea that pays off to you. That’s the day you rendezvous with somebody who has something to offer you- and you have something to offer them- and you exchange something financially, as a result of it. In other words, that little bit of effort- you couldn’t see it because its not like driving a car toward a destination, but you felt it, so you knew it: and because you felt it, you kept it up, and you kept it up, and you kept it up, and you kept it up….and pretty soon you don’t just hope that you’ll have abundance- you don’t just believe it- you know it, because the evidence is so emphatically surrounding you.

Just thought by thought by thought by thought by thought by thought by thought, you clean it up, clean it up, clean it up, clean it up. What do we mean by “clean it up”? You tell the way you want it to be, and tell less the way you don’t want it to be. You stop facing reality and you start creating reality.”

– Abraham (Money and Law of attraction – learning to attract wealth, health and happiness by Esther and Jerry Hicks, The teachings of Abraham)

Bitter or better?

“You either get bitter or you get better. It’s that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you.”

– Josh Shipp

lemons and lemonade and honey - Anda Ambrosini

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It’s helpful to know that your choice decides what will further come your way. The law of attraction states “like attracts like” i.e. what you are thinking and hence, feeling attracts more to feel the same. The essence of what you are thinking and feeling attracts more like it. Therefore, if you are predominantly and consistently thinking thoughts which make you feel bitter, you attract more to feel even more bitter (no one is punishing you…it’s just the way the law of attraction operates) and in the same way, if you are thinking thoughts which make you feel better predominantly and consistently, you attract more to feel even more better. The choice is yours. You are the creator of your life and you can choose to feel what you want to feel in any moment.

Sometimes, it may seem difficult to feel better if your physical reality is painful. In those situations, the suggestion is to distract yourself to thinking about something which is easy for you to appreciate. Everyday, you will have moments in which you will feel a little relief from the pain. One can stretch these better feeling moments by firstly being aware of them when they occur and then by distracting oneself to a topic which one finds easy to feel good about in such moments of relief. As one does so through out the day, everyday, one walks towards feeling even more better and then even more better till one is predominantly and consistently feeling good.

The choice is always yours.

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Photo credit – Anda Ambrosini via unsplash.com

Letting go may be difficult but so is holding on.

a lady arms streched in front of window - Yanko Peyankov

“One of the most courageous decisions you’ll ever make is to finally let go of what is hurting your heart and soul.”

– Brigitte Nicole

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Photo credit – Yanko Peyankov via unsplash.com

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