Life Coaching with Sonal

Empowering those who are asking for what they want, those who want to live their dreams, those who believe deep within that life is supposed to be good – and that is you.

Tag: selfish

Is it selfish to love yourself?

love-hearts-pixabay-pexels

“I don’t recall being encouraged to cherish myself.

In fact, it would never even have occurred to me to do so.

It’s commonly thought as being selfish.

But my near death experience allowed me to realize that this was the key to my healing.”

– Anita Moorjani

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Photo credit – Pixabay.com via pexels.com

I’am going to be happy – no matter what

pexels-laughing child indian - Surajith S.

 

“We are really advocates of just getting as happy as you can be — which takes care of everything.

Even if you don’t have reason to be happy — make it up. Fantasize it.

Make a decision that you’re going to be happy one way or another — no matter what.

No matter what, I’m going to be happy! If I have to ignore everybody;

if I have to never watch television again;

if I have to never pick up a newspaper again, I’m going to be happy.

If I never have to see that person’s face again, I’m going to be happy.

If I have to see that person’s face, I’m going to find something to see in that person’s face that makes me happy.

I’m going to be happy.

I’m going to be happy.

I’m going to be happy.”

– Abraham Hicks

(the above words by Abraham have been shared from the blog joypassiondesire)

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Off course, the “inner work” is to reach a point wherein no matter what your physical reality is, you feel happy but if you are not able to feel happy while in your current physical reality, then are you supposed to tolerate your negative emotions till you wither away?

No! You can get some distance between that which pains you and you. In that time and space that you get, you can sharpen your focus till the time you are able to focus on any topic (even if it was painful to you earlier) and find something in it to feel better about it (it can be but need not be enthusiastically happy…. just feeling better is awesome too while on your path to feeling good about it) i.e. you achieve stability in your good feeling thoughts. As you do that, you reconnect to your invincibility, to your freedom. The power which creates worlds flows through you. In fact, it is you.

Yes, sometimes, because of the way we are focused on a situation, we cannot feel positive emotion. There is nothing wrong in it. We are human and we need to be easy on ourselves. Negative emotion always tells us that we have grown but have not gone ahead with our growth. Whenever we feel upto it, we can change the way we are focused on it and thereby taste true freedom – i.e. free to feel whatever emotion we want to feel irrespective of what is happening around us. Sometimes, choosing to distance oneself from what is painful helps in reaching this place of strength and therefore, is the path of least resistance (it need not be but sometimes, it is and only you know that by the way you feel about it). From this place of strength, we are of value to ourselves and to anyone else we may want to be of value to.

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Photo credit – Surajith S via pexels.com

When you meet someone who does not like you

girl-flowers - Alexander Shustov- unsplash.com

 

You are not everyone’s cup of tea… and that’s OK

“The world is filled with people who, no matter what you do, no matter what you try, will simply not like you. But the world is also filled with those who will love you fiercely. The ones who love you: they are your people.

Don’t waste your finite time and heart trying to convince people who aren’t your people that you have value. They will miss it completely. They won’t buy what you are selling. Don’t try to convince them to walk your path with you because you will only waste your time and your emotional good health. You are not for them and they are not for you. You are not their cup of tea and they are not yours.

Politely wave them along and you move away as well. Seek to share your path with those who recognize and appreciate your gifts, who you are.

Be who you are. You are not everyone’s cup of tea and that is OK.”

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The law of attraction states “like attracts like” i.e. what you are feeling (and not what you are saying) attracts more to feel the same. So if you have someone in your life that you do not like, are you to be blamed for that person being in your life? There is no blame. It’s just taking responsibility for our contribution to our life experiences. When you do so, you can now do something to change it too. You are no longer a victim. You are empowered.

So, how does one attract someone who is different from what one is. There are many reasons – one reason could be that even though you feel that you are not like the person you dislike, you may actually be quite similar to that person or it could be that you are different but you focus a lot on people that you dislike (in terms of thinking, talking, writing, blogging etc about what they do and why you do not like what they do) and what you focus on, the law of attraction matches you up with more of that. It could be that it’s neither of these two reasons but another reason altogether. It could be that your intention is to be an uplifter and the person who is different from you may actually be the one who is asking (at a deeper, visceral level) to be uplifted and the law of attraction is just matching you up together as you both are asking for each other. It could also be that the people you dislike could land up in your life because of their extremely powerful desire to rendezvous with people like you. They may know consciously or unconsciously that they are not like you but they may like your qualities a lot and would want to be like you. Due to their powerful desire to be like you, they land up in your life. They may have a desire but to truly change themselves, they need to also change their beliefs which they may not know how to do. It could be due to any reason but the more important thing is that once someone you do not like is in your life, how can you make the situation better?

There are many ways to change the situation but I have found that the most effective way is to use the power of distraction to focus on people that you like, on topics that you find easy to appreciate. As you do so predominantly and consistently, whenever you are feeling better and stronger, you may choose to focus on a person you do not like and find the strength (because of your new and improved vibrational place) to appreciate something in them. When you do so every time you think about them, you tune into the side of theirs which you find pleasing. That’s when it is easier for you to be polite to them even if you are just waving them along. Two things happen because of this inner work that you have done and are continuing to do – either they change to be a match to your new vibrations about them or if they cannot change, they leave (as the vibrations no longer match) and others take their place who are a match to your vibrations.

The law of attraction is a universal law just like the law of gravity. We use our knowledge of the law of gravity to make our lives easier. We can do the same with our knowledge of the law of attraction.

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Photo credit – Alexander Shustov via unsplash.com

Love is the answer

love-heart - Kaboom pics-pexel.com

“I am convinced that unconditional love is the most powerful known stimulant of the immune system. If I told patients to raise their blood levels of immune globulins or killer T cells, no one would know how. But if I can teach them to love themselves and others fully, the same changes happen automatically. The truth is: love heals.”

Bernie Siegel, M.D.

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Bernie Siegel is an American writer and retired pediatric surgeon, who writes on the relationship between the patient and the healing process. He is known for his best-selling book Love, Medicine and Miracles.

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Photo credit – Marcus Spike Raumrot.com via pexel.com

Feeling good has tremendous value

laughing woman pexels.com Kristin Vogt

If you want to uplift others, you can do so “easily” when “you are feeling good”. In fact when you are feeling good, you don’t even have to feel the desire to uplift others. Anyone who has the benefit of laying their eyes on you feels good as it is because you are feeling good. You don’t even have to do anything and if they don’t feel good (chances are less but it can happen at times), it doesn’t matter because you are feeling good in any case.

If you want to be the uplifter that you are, it’s important that in the first place, you feel good, predominantly and consistently (not always but predominantly and consistently). You are of much more value from a place of strength than from a place of lack to yourself and also to those you may want to be of value to. Your feeling good has tremendous value.

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Photo credit – Kristin Vogt via pexels.com

You change for the ease it brings to you

woman at ease among flowers - Keran Look Loy

You allow yourself to feel better “for yourself”….

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“The person that needs to do something is not that person. The person that needs to do something is you! Some of those people in your life do not deserve your good thoughts. In other words, “They are bad. They are evil. They are wrong! They are inappropriate. They do not deserve your good thoughts,” and you stubbornly are not going to give them any. They may not deserve your good thoughts. But you do. You deserve your good thoughts about them. This is what the Art of Allowing is. It’s allowing my own Well-being.”

– Abraham

Excerpted from: San Rafael, CA on March 09, 2001, Our Love, Esther (and Abraham and Jerry)

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Photo credit – Keran Look Loy via unsplash.com

 

Selfish enough to feel good about yourself

Lady with white flowers - Neill Kumar

“I will never let myself down, treat myself like a doormat, or make myself small so others can feel big. I have learned that this is the biggest gift that I give, not only to myself, but also to the planet, because I paint others with the same brush as I use on myself.”

– Anita Moorjani

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When you are selfish enough to feel good about yourself on your own, you are able to feel good about others too. When you are at a place of ease within yourself, it’s easier to look at others with kindness and love. Of course my suggestion would be don’t do it for others, do it because it feels so good to feel good about yourself and from that place of strength, can you imagine the value you would bring to yourself and to anyone else you would want to be of value to?

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Photo credit – Neill Kumar via unsplash.com

The value of being selfish

Jerry: So, there’s nothing wrong with taking “the coward’s way out”?

Abraham: There are many people who override their own guidance system by trying to please others, and there are many people who will call you “selfish” or “cowardly” when you have the audacity to please yourself rather than them. Often others will call you “selfish” (because you are unwilling to yield to their own selfishness) without realizing the hypocrisy of their demand.

Sometimes, we are accused of teaching selfishness, and we admit that it is true because if you are not selfish enough to tend to your own vibration and therefore hold yourself in alignment with your source (and with-you-really-are), then you have nothing to give to another anyway. When others call you “selfish” or “cowardly,” their own vibrations are clearly out of balance, and a modification of your behavior will not bring them into balance.

flowers among rocky mountains - Ales Krivec

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And even if it does bring them into balance, it will be very temporary. After some time, they will again demand a modification of your behavior in order to feel good. As you continue doing so, you will do them a big disservice as you will teach them to depend on someone else for their happiness whereas they (just like you) have the ability to feel good by focusing on topics in a way which feels good (i.e. everyone can feel good on their own). You will also observe that as you continue modifying your behavior in order to make them happy, their demands keep increasing and as you keep meeting their increasing demands, you start resenting the very relationship you wanted to be of value to. Now you have nothing to give firstly to yourself and also to those that you wanted to give to, as you are now in a place of lack rather than a place of strength.

The only thing which is of value is to focus on good feeling thoughts yourself and when you are predominantly and consistently feeling good, the law of attraction will surround you with experiences who make you feel the same i.e. feel good. Usually, it happens that we feel when we are surrounded by experiences which make it easy for us to feel better. Yes, you do feel better easily if your reality is what you want it to be but the way you create your experiences is by first feeling good yourself even though the experiences you want have not manifested yet.

Thankfully, there are ways to feel good even if you are not living the reality you want. You can nap, you can take a walk next to nature, you can meditate, you can play with your child, you can have a relaxing warm bath, you can appreciate something which is easy for you to appreciate, you can talk to a supportive and trustworthy friend, you can indulge in a hobby etc. As you create more and more feel good moments through these general ways on an every day basis, you allow the law of attraction to match you up with the kind of experiences you want. That is when we start leveraging the power of the universe. That is when people look and say – “it’s a miracle” or that “she/he is lucky” but what you are doing is not unconscious creating; it is deliberate creation at its best. In addition, because now that you are deliberating creating, you can replicate the process in any area of your life wherein you want to change the results. It starts with being selfish enough to use any excuse in order to feel good predominantly and consistently, no matter what your reality is.

The law of attraction states “that which is like unto itself, is drawn” i.e. what you think and therefore feel, attracts more to feel the same. It’s a powerful law just like the law of gravity. We understand the law of gravity and use our knowledge about it to make our lives easier. We can do the same with the law of attraction too.

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Photo credit – Ales Krivec via unsplash.com

Caring about ourselves

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“When we’re tired, learning to sit with the discomfort of saying no to something we really would love to do, is an advanced form of self-care.”

– Cheryl Richardson

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Photo credit – Sander Smeekes via unsplash.com

The value of being prudent about the people in your life

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Sharing a very empowering excerpt from Dr Christiane Northrup’s book “Goddesses never age”…
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“And when it comes to your tribe, be judicious about who is in it. The people around you can help you reconnect to the life force and flourish or they can drain you and depress you….

You have to turn the volume down on some relationships, or even let go of them and commit to bringing in new people into your life who will be more supportive of you. The good news is that the universe will provide you with new members of your “tribe”, sometimes in the most extraordinary ways. Once you make the change inside of you, your energy will shift; those who resonate with you energetically will gravitate your way and those who don’t will start to fall away. Years after transforming the way I practiced and thought about medicine, I find that I am a magnet for people who believe in inspiring women to experience wellness through feeling connected with their joy and their life force. I regularly meet people I want to add to my tribe.

There are people who truly want to vibrate at a higher frequency and be happier and lighter in mood and attitude. But some people who will be attracted to your lightness of being will bring to the table their old, negative emotional patterns. They will love what they get from you, but they will drain you because they are not committed to becoming lighter themselves. They are emotional vampires. You might not realize that they are sucking you dry because they seem to be so nice and supportive at first. They may not realize what they are doing to you. But in time, you will see that whenever you interact with them, you come away feeling as if someone just took a pint of blood from you. I have felt as though I had to get down on the floor and go to sleep after interacting with certain individuals. In fact, sometimes I feel this way just from reading an e-mail from one of them! Those people are mostly gone from my life at this point but it sure took a while to figure out this pattern.

As you begin to tap into your own vitality, you have to be cautious about letting people drain it out of you as quickly as you fill yourself up. Encourage family and friends who want what you have got to get it for themselves and stop seeing you as their source.

In fact, people can energetically hook into you so strongly that if you stop, focus and tune in, you can actually sense the cord of energy that goes out to them from you.”
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Christiane Northrup, M.D., is a visionary pioneer and leading authority in the field of women’s wellness. A board-certified OB/GYN physician, Dr. Northrup graduated from Dartmouth Medical School and did her residency at Tufts New England Medical Center in Boston. She was also an assistant clinical professor of OB/GYN at Maine Medical Center for 20 years.

Dr. Northrup has spent her life as an advocate for women’s health and wellness, first as a practicing OB/GYN physician and now as an internationally respected writer and speaker. She writes, “I spent the first half of my life studying everything that can go wrong with a woman’s body and figuring out how to fix it. Now, I’m devoted to teaching women everything that can go right, so that vibrant health can become their daily reality.”

Dr. Northrup is the author of two New York Times best-selling books, Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom and The Wisdom of Menopause, which have transformed women’s approach to health and understanding of their sacred bodies and processes. In 2005, Mother-Daughter Wisdom, her third book, was Amazon’s #1 book of the year in both parenting and mind-body health. These books have been translated into 24 languages.

In The Secret Pleasures of Menopause and The Secret Pleasures of Menopause Playbook, Dr. Northrup outlines the crucial link between health and pleasure. Her children’s book, Beautiful Girl, brings her positive message to the youngest of girls. Her newest book, Goddesses Never Age: The Secret Prescription for Radiance, Vitality, and Wellbeing will inspire women (and men) with an entirely different mindset about what it means to grow older.

Dr Northrup has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, the Today Show, NBC Nightly News, The View, Rachael Ray, Good Morning America, 20/20, and The Dr. Oz Show. Her Internet radio program Flourish! is broadcast weekly on Hay House Radio. Dr. Northrup has also hosted eight successful public television specials.
In 2013, Dr. Northrup was named one of Reader’s Digest’s “100 Most Trusted People in America.” Don’t miss any of Dr. Northrup’s cutting-edge information. Join her tribe on Facebook, Twitter, in her e-newsletter, on Flourish! and at www.drnorthrup.com.

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photo credit – Brooke Cagle via unsplash.com

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