two people - charlie foster - unsplasj


As I walked past a man with his mobile on the speaker mode the other day, I heard a lady at the other end of the line say to him “I don’t want someone else better than you. I want you better.”

That set me thinking – isn’t that what many of us do? We fall in love with someone and then when we see something which we do not like in that person, we want to change that habit/ trait etc in that person…some of us keep trying our entire lives to change the other person…

What we are feeling in the present moment is far from the feeling we “want” to feel and we believe that by changing the other person, we will feel better ….if we make feeling better conditional, now we are in trouble because the law of attraction states like attracts like – what you are feeling attracts more to feel the same. Not your words, but your feelings are what the law recognizes. Therefore, when you are feeling good predominantly (not always but predominantly and consistently), you attract more to feel even more better about and vice versa.

When you see something in your partner/lover/spouse that you do not want, there is a desire which comes forth from you to see what you want. For example, you see that your partner is at times rude to you and for you being kind is important. You believe that when your partner will be kind to you, you will feel better. The universe answers your desire immediately and now you need to allow it into your physical reality. In order to allow it, you must be feeling either the same or in the vicinity of what you want to feel predominantly but if you keep beating the drum of how rude your partner is, if you keep talking and/or thinking about how bad his/her behavior feels to you and therefore, you keep feeling negative, you are not a match to your desire. The frequency/ feeling/ vibration of your desire (i.e. a kind partner) is different from the frequency you are at in the moment when you are focused negatively. If you are at 106.1 FM and you want to hear 98 FM, you will have to change the dial to 98 FM. While being at 106.1 FM, you cannot hear 98 FM. The frequency of the problem/question is very different from the frequency of the solution/answer.

When you are feeling negative emotions, you have resistance (it feels like such a struggle) and therefore, you do not allow the law of attraction to match you with your desire. Nobody is punishing you (far from it, the universe “always” feels love for you even when you are not a match to your desire) but the way the law operates is “like attract like”. Your desire and where you are vibrationally have to be a match. No body takes what you want away from you and nobody else gets it but you do not get it. You can get what you want, provided, you feel better either by focusing on the positives in your partner or if that is too difficult at the moment for you, you can focus on anything which makes you feel better, which is easy for you to appreciate. As you are feeling the same feeling or are in the vicinity of what your desire feels like, you are moving in the direction of manifesting your desire in your physical reality. As you practice your alignment all day, everyday either your partner will change to be match to your desire or he/she will meet you only on those days that he/she can show behavior which is a match to your vibrations and if he/she cannot change, he/she leaves your experience and another who is a match to your desire takes his/her place.

An important question to answer is – would be you okay if the partner you have cannot change and leaves your life because of your new improved vibrations? What sometimes happens is that we are not ready to be without the person who we are with as of now even if the relationship is not going the way we want….the problem comes when we want him to change without us changing our vibrations…our happiness becomes conditional…. this is choosing the path of most resistance because you are scared that he/she may not be there and you don’t want that even if you are not happy in the relationship…and now you have a journey more harder than what it needs to be…. Therefore, if the answer to the above question is no, then there is some more inner work to be done towards loving yourself.

If the answer to the above question is yes, that means that you are committed to feeling better and now because of your commitment towards yourself, its easier for you to focus on what you want rather than what you do not want.

If instead of getting after another person to change in order to make us feel better, if we could just focus our thoughts in a way (either general or specific) which makes us feel better, then our desires can manifest in our physical reality easily. Sometimes, we may decide to take a temporary or even a permanent break in the relationship as we go about finding our alignment (i.e. feeling better either about one aspect of the relationship or the whole relationship or the topic of relationships altogether). Whether we reconnect to our alignment while in the relationship or when out of it, its important that we do find our alignment and change our vibrations/ feelings on this topic. If we do not raise our vibrations on it, we will find another experience even if we shift to another city or even to another country which makes us feel the same. It would be like a pattern – the situation or setting may change but our feelings would be the same.

The good news is that there is a way out and i.e. by feeling good, no matter what. Isn’t it fantastic that the most easy way (i.e. feeling good by using any excuse) is the most effective way to get what you want? Many people can’t believe that the solution can be so simple. They believe that the solution has to be complex but it is not. Its actually quite simple.

All this reminds me of Abraham’s words below (from the YouTube video titled “Stop expecting others to provide answers for you”) –

“When you look at others to meet your needs, you need to know that they will let you down every time because it’s not their job….

You can’t start at something that is corrupt at its base and ever make it work out without more creativity than it’s worth….

Of course it’s appropriate for you to sift through your buffet and find your preferences. What is screwy is picking up one person and asking them to match your preference rather than put your preferences over in your vibrational reality and allow the Law of attraction to bring it all together and then you go and reap the benefit of what you have sown. That is different. In other words, you of course get to selectively sift, you get to choose with great definition the details of what pleases you and every bit of that is wonderful. Just don’t ask that person now to be all those things. That’s what gets screwy. Let your vibrational escrow percolate and you do your best to give it your undivided attention so that you become a vibrational match to it and then when the law of attraction brings all of it together and brings you because you are a match to it so that there are no bugs to work out.

But what you are describing goes more like this – you sift through the data, you define what you want but you do not work on becoming a match to what you want. So you give your attention to what you have got and in giving your attention to what you have got, you are not a match to what you want and now you say – “I am not disciplined enough to look at what I want, I am looking at what I have got so I guess you need to change to meet all my expectations. If you would be like that, then I would be whole”. That’s what goes screwy.

Don’t ask the people who helped you define what you want to become what you want so that you can have what you want. Instead, let them be the step 1 part of it, use your will power and decision to focus upon what you want and then the universe will bring you what you want. There are so many people going about it in a flawed premise, backwards way where they say – “I would feel better if you would act more like that and I resent that you don’t love me enough to try” and if they could speak it like it is, they would say “hey, its not my job to be everything that you want. It was my job to harass you into clarity about what you want and now that you are clear, can’t you see it that I am not it? Don’t try to make me be it. Focus upon what you want and let that come to you and leave me alone”. And you say “No, I want you to be it. You inspired my desire and if you hadn’t made me grow, I would not be having this problem. So you owe it to me to be what I grew to”.

Here is something really is worth remembering here. When you stand where you are knowing that you want something that hasn’t come about yet and you don’t have the discipline to look in the direction of what you want but instead you are looking at whatever it was that caused you to want it and you are feeling the discord of that lack of focus, there is a very powerful tendency, without even knowing it, to let what you have got to be the catalyst that trains your vibration. So you keep thinking this thought which is different from what you want but you keep thinking the thought so you develop a belief or a chronic pattern of thought which then holds you apart from what you want. So the best way we have of describing that is – lets say that you are interacting with someone who causes you to want “this” and if you could give “ this” that you want your undivided attention then you would stand there and the universe would have to deliver you what you want so that it is really a common thing that someone who was not giving it to you, now gives it to you because you have lined up your vibration and so anything less that what you want is illogical.

So, if for example – you want monogamy. If you are someone who wants monogamy and you are interacting with someone who does not want it or even if it’s the other way round, it doesn’t matter. You want it and they do not and you focus upon what you want and why you want it, the universe has to bring you what you want but if you focus upon on the other person wants which is what you do not want, then without meaning to you train your vibration to what you do not want. Now you cannot get what you want and you keep thinking that it’s the other person’s fault. When the only thing that ever comes to you is what is active in your vibration. This is just another way of saying to you that you got to let everyone else off the hook and you just have to develop your own deliberate pattern of thought by focusing upon what you want. Stop asking other people to be big players in giving you what you want and you be the only player in becoming a match to what you want and then watch how fast the universe delivers to you exactly what you want.

And when that happens, then you are able to live and let live. You let the world be what it individually chooses to be because it can’t hinder you or keep you from what you want. It never could but sometimes it feels like suppose there is Tabasco sauce in the kitchen and you think that it will get into you pie. Others tell you that it will not get in your pie but you say “it will get in my pie. Well, it’s in the kitchen so it can get into my pie. If it weren’t in the kitchen, I would feel a lot more better. So get it out of the kitchen. Oh, now look, it’s in my pie. I told you, I told you that it would get into my pie because it’s in the kitchen. I told you”. And we say “it did not get into your pie because its in the kitchen. It got into your pie because you can’t get your eyes off it. It got into pie because you keep talking about it and you keep activating the vibration of it.”

It really is more irrelevant that you think what the other people in your life want but what is relevant is what you think they want. So if you could just eternally look towards what you want and disregard everything else, the universe would have to give you what you want. And in so many more cases then you would believe from where you currently stand, often you can get exactly what you want from the components which are already present in your life. You do not have to go to a whole new place, you just have to chronically define a whole new vibration.

The relationship between your expectation and what you are seeing is the only thing you ever have the ability to feel around.”

To know more about the wonderful teachings of Abraham, please visit


Photo credit – Charlie Foster via